[ Shinobu is so tired of comparisons. Where he is a different from the others in how this place has affected others, so is she. She has both killed and died for the rules of this godforsaken camp, and she doesn't understand tsukumogami completely, but even spirits feel. Tsurumaru must be feeling something because of how he ended dying and having to watch and watch and watch. ]
It does not matter who has suffered more or worse, Tsurumaru-san. Have you suffered? Are you suffering?
[ he thinks that, once again, they really would have needed someone like her on the other side longer. but, there's a small selfish part of him that is grateful he got to know her better than he had before he died. ]
I know you're right. [ there's wry smile. ] But some habits are hard to break.
[ and sometimes you tend to put others first before yourself. ]
[ She understands. She's not so wholly different in that aspect. ]
That's why there are others to nudge you gently. I don't always want to be receiving from you, Tsurumaru-san. Will you let me be selfish in that regard?
[ Is it too much to ask for to want to feel like she can be on more even footing with him? ]
[ ... if he's honest, this isn't really what he's used to receiving in these places. and he doesn't think that's a sad thing, but to be expected considering everything else.
it's a nice feeling. maybe he's the selfish one. ]
I will allow you anything that you want, that won't hurt you.
[ It's times like this, after he says things like he just said, which make Shinobu wonder how different things could've been if he weren't here. Or if he hadn't been the one to die first. Would their friendship have been any different? Would living have been different? Would death have been different?
She's not one to linger too long on these kind of what ifs, preferring to see reality, but the fleeting thought only hurts a little. ]
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[ he pockets it.
... ]
There wasn't anyone in the living side you still wanted to see?
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[ At least she's honest. ]
There are a few I'd like to talk to again, but I think it's better this way.
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... you'll see them again soon, at least.
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[ She has faith and belief, but she's also realistic. She's contradictory. ]
I'd like to be able to use words to communicate, in any case.
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Ah... yes. That part does make it rather difficult.
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[ It's not like she can't or she won't do charades, but she's tired. ]
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This place was not very kind to you.
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[ She will be a good girl and be honest and admit to it. ]
But it's not kind to anyone, including you.
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[ he imagines being in trial is very... frustrating, and he can't really say he understands. ]
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It does not matter who has suffered more or worse, Tsurumaru-san. Have you suffered? Are you suffering?
That's what matters. Not who's in more pain.
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I know you're right. [ there's wry smile. ] But some habits are hard to break.
[ and sometimes you tend to put others first before yourself. ]
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That's why there are others to nudge you gently. I don't always want to be receiving from you, Tsurumaru-san. Will you let me be selfish in that regard?
[ Is it too much to ask for to want to feel like she can be on more even footing with him? ]
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it's a nice feeling. maybe he's the selfish one. ]
I will allow you anything that you want, that won't hurt you.
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I don't know if there's anything I can do now that would hurt me more.
[ Not anything she hasn't already done. ]
And even if I could and would, it wouldn't be because of you.
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[ even if they don't talk about it, sometimes it's nice just to be besides someone while you're hurting to distract yourself from your thoughts. ]
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She's not one to linger too long on these kind of what ifs, preferring to see reality, but the fleeting thought only hurts a little. ]
I feel like I can trust that with you.
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Good! Then I'll be happy with that.
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Besides that, she asks: ]
Is it all right if I hugged you?
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there's a pause, and his smile turns a little more warm. ]
Of course it is, Shinobu.