but once they are inside he is just going to go over to his futon, and very gently lower her onto it. if she's still holding onto him he'll just sit with her. ]
[ she knows it's stupid to pretend nothing happened when she came back as unresponsive as she did, when she burst into sobs the moment she saw him.
he deserves some kind of explanation, but it's hard for her to admit what she did. ]
... I was prompted to make a choice.
"You have been given a responsibility to fulfill. But you must choose your path to pave the way back. You must choose what is most important to you, and what you will cast aside. Make your choice."
[ she takes a deep breath. ]
I....
[ it hurts for her to think of, not to mention say. ]
We started by going into a tower, where we had to pick powers to keep and powers to exchange, and then... we had to choose rings to go through. Portals to different place.
We first went to... my home, in Japan. Eventually, we heard sounds of fighting, which we followed until we saw you. [ she falters here. her voice wavers. ] And my sister, Kanae. You two were fighting, looking as if you'd kill each other.
[ she looks pained. ]
I had to choose between you two. Who should to stay, who should go.
[ her voice cracks, and whether she wants them to or not, her eyes well with tears. her breathing becomes unsteady. ]
[ if shinobu hadn't explained that she didn't want to lose someone she hadn't lost yet, it really would not make sense to him. even now, it takes a few extra seconds to accept the information in his head.
at the end of the day, a touken danshi's mission is to protect history in order to keep humanity safe. it's hard to wrap his head around to be chosen over someone so dear, even if it wasn't real. ]
You did not kill her. And you so clearly love her... [ he squeezes her hand. ] And I am sorry that this place used your love against you.
[ after her parents died, kanae was her whole world, the person she loved more than the whole world. she knows she's so human in comparison to a sword and their mission.
she is sorry, too. ]
... I might as well have. Even now, I love her more than anyone else.
[ that's true and will likely remain true for as long as she remembers her. ]
But she hates harming people more than I do. And I couldn't watch her harm you. If that excursion meant to hurt in ways I didn't know possible, it succeeded.
[ her fingers curl around his hand, as tight as she can in her weakened state. it rouses her a little out of her despair, the reminder of her anger, the notion of helping other people. ]
I want to keep this promise, too. More than anything.
[ but she still sounds a bit too tired to be as determined as she usually is. her conviction isn't gone, but it is a little lost. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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she's going through it. ]
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but once they are inside he is just going to go over to his futon, and very gently lower her onto it. if she's still holding onto him he'll just sit with her. ]
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she's silent for a moment, two, and then softly, almost too soft: ]
I love you, Tsurumaru-san.
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I love you, too.
[ it's said firmly, not as quiet. he won't press to find out what happened until she's ready to speak. ]
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... You told me once you wanted the path that would cause the least amount of pain. Whatever was easiest for me.
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[ he won't lean against her, but mostly because he is still trying to watch out for her injuries.
Did something happen?
[ he knows something did. ]
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he deserves some kind of explanation, but it's hard for her to admit what she did. ]
... I was prompted to make a choice.
"You have been given a responsibility to fulfill. But you must choose your path to pave the way back. You must choose what is most important to you, and what you will cast aside. Make your choice."
[ she takes a deep breath. ]
I....
[ it hurts for her to think of, not to mention say. ]
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Okay. Is it okay if you tell me what it was?
[ he won't force her to, but. ]
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... You. I chose you.
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[ even if it's, in the end, not actually real. he knows how much these excursions messes with you.
he can't pretend to be glad she chose him for anything, since it doesn't seem to be a happy choice. ]
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You didn't make me make the choice. I... I didn't want to break our promise. Even if it wasn't really you there... I was tired of breaking promises.
[ she shuts her eyes, and her voice wavers enough that it seems like she'll cry again. ]
I didn't want to lose someone I hadn't lost already. I wanted you to still be here.
[ so if tsurumaru is dead tomorrow or is a murderer and gets caught, she's going to lose it. ]
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he manages to not ask who the other choice was.
instead, he's just going to shift so he can take one of her hands in his. ]
I am still here.
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she doesn't resist his handhold. ]
... I know. I know you are.
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Would you mind if I asked what happened?
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We started by going into a tower, where we had to pick powers to keep and powers to exchange, and then... we had to choose rings to go through. Portals to different place.
We first went to... my home, in Japan. Eventually, we heard sounds of fighting, which we followed until we saw you. [ she falters here. her voice wavers. ] And my sister, Kanae. You two were fighting, looking as if you'd kill each other.
[ she looks pained. ]
I had to choose between you two. Who should to stay, who should go.
[ her voice cracks, and whether she wants them to or not, her eyes well with tears. her breathing becomes unsteady. ]
I killed Kanae.
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at the end of the day, a touken danshi's mission is to protect history in order to keep humanity safe. it's hard to wrap his head around to be chosen over someone so dear, even if it wasn't real. ]
You did not kill her. And you so clearly love her... [ he squeezes her hand. ] And I am sorry that this place used your love against you.
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she is sorry, too. ]
... I might as well have. Even now, I love her more than anyone else.
[ that's true and will likely remain true for as long as she remembers her. ]
But she hates harming people more than I do. And I couldn't watch her harm you. If that excursion meant to hurt in ways I didn't know possible, it succeeded.
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[ because he knows that even if this is the last they go to, there are probably more happening. other people are suffering. ]
I won't ever break this promise, Shinobu.
[ the costs are too high to. ]
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I want to keep this promise, too. More than anything.
[ but she still sounds a bit too tired to be as determined as she usually is. her conviction isn't gone, but it is a little lost. ]
We'll tear this place down, as a start.
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[ ... ]
But remember to lean on me when you can, alright?
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I feel as if I lean on you too much sometimes.
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[ a pause. ]
But I do not think anyone would last in places like this without doing that.
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[ she isn't the worst offender of this. ]
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[ it's a joke because he knows a lot of them are ]
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You have a lot of work cut out for you.
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