But when we were first brought here and told to vote for who we found at fault for what happened to you... I know it was Mary - and it made me angry, because she was corrupted. She would never have been corrupted if she wasn't brought here and with the information we had at the time...
I voted for Lune - because Sol had at least tasked me with pairing the partners the first week, and I already hit him.
[so lune was the only one she had to get back at]
I told Ookurikara to apologize on my behalf - but I'm going to say sorry too, once this is over. Once I've done something to make up for incorrectly placing the blame on someone, and putting them in danger because of some misguided sense of justice. I don't think I can face him until the end.
[ . . . . ]
Sorry, for doing that to someone you care about and who cares about you.
[it's probably a little dramatic considering the fact that lune wasn't even remotely in danger -
[ it's funny, because if tsurumaru had run into mary immediately after he woke up here, he definitely would have attempted to murder her. but thankfully he only spoke to her after he spent some time alone. so hearing lili talk about how she voted for someone else instead of mary is...
funny, in a way. a joke that he isn't sure whether or not he wants to laugh at it. ]
Did you apologize to Sol for hitting him?
[ that is his immediate concern here, because tsuru adores sol. ]
... I did - when he gave me a task in order to heal my partner's broken leg, and a wound that Ookurikara got from the war. He's helped me since then, and I'm more in his debt now than anything...
[she faced sol because she didn't have any choice but to see him. but in general...]
Maybe I should've voted for the universe or something.
[but regardless she shakes her head]
... I was informed it was the wrong decision by spending the next week watching nightmares of everyone I love dying in front of me, similar to the dream we had when we found out what happened to you.
I don't think it's atonement.... but if it makes you feel better, I couldn't sleep easily after that anyway.
The universe is rather cruel. Although I probably don't have to tell you that.
[ they've been reminded of it week after week, after all. ]
And I'm not sure what kind of person you think I am that I would feel better after hearing that... Nothing happened to Lune, so there's nothing to be angry about.
[ the implication is that he would probably be angry if something did happen but
.... if someone put a person that I love in danger, or knowingly risked it, I don't know if I could forgive them. Or I wouldn't want them to walk away without consequences.
Even if we're friends.
[ . . . but lili has a habit of being ruled by her emotions]
... but I don't think he minds. When you apologize to him, he's probably going to tell you that there's nothing to apologize for.
[ he sounds too fond when saying this. bad. ]
I'll be honest, hearing that you refused to vote for Mary was... interesting, even if I understand why. It was the first trial, and she's a child. It makes sense that people would refuse to do it.
lili thinks that to herself before thinking on his words and she shakes her head. she did refuse to vote for mary, but her reason is just a little bit more nuanced]
... I knew that it would be pointless to make anyone else aware of my decision - and I knew that she had to be voted for. Plenty of other people made what was probably the correct decision. Ever since then, I've tried to vote for the corrupted, because it's the only way to save them.
But back then...
I thought that if Sol and Lune were charged as our guides - then they possessed more knowledge than us, and in turn more power.
... and I can't forgive people who have power, but choose to do nothing with it. I thought that people were dying, and they were allowing it. Like keeping us caged and letting us only wait to meet our demise, no matter how much they promised safety and good intentions. People like that are more to be blamed for terrible situations than those who suffer within them.
[it sure is a perspective that comes from a very particular place in nobility, but she also doesn't seem to back down about her stance - just how much information she had at the time]
I know I was wrong about that now - but at the time, I only intended to vote for unjust authority.
You didn't deserve to meet your end that way - and neither did she. It's what I hate about this place.
I'm sure it's something almost everyone hates about this place. When we first met the two of them, I asked Lune why didn't the universe just ask us if we would help or not instead of simply taking us. And he said that while he wasn't sure, he believed that maybe anyone who would have said yes wouldn't have been able to do it.
I've been trying to think about what that meant.
[ he doesn't continue that thought though, instead moving on. ]
I'll be honest, Lili. My experience here has been very different from the rest of yours. I haven't faced the same struggles, or problems, or forged the same bonds and camaraderie... it's mostly felt like I've only been watching you all try to defeat the corruption. I don't think I'll even be able to feel the same kind of relief that you all do, once this is over and we manage to end it in our terms.
So when Monday comes, and more of you come to this side... I like to listen to what you all say. Of your disappointment and what you hope will happen. It gives me hope that the universe did choose the right people to do this, even though none of you should have ever been brought here in the first place.
[ . . . . hmmm. it's interesting, to hear about it from his perspective - when he was the first to go. when every week, she and ookurikara would discuss what they wanted to share with him, even knowing that he was out of their reach.]
... we wouldn't be able to move forward without you, you know. We'd be just as lost without answers, and no idea how to solve anything. I know that it probably feels like you can't do anything here, when we're the ones who are constantly running around trying to do well and find the Corrupted but...
I don't want you to feel like you haven't mattered, when your sacrifice and being willing to still help others is part of the reason why we even have as much information as we do.
... but I still think that I would've preferred it if you weren't the first.
[even knowing him just a week - she would've wanted him on their side, not here, if she got to make the choice.]
[ he isn't sure if he'd call it his sacrifice, when all he did was try to help a child who was crying. it didn't feel like a sacrifice, at the time. it's mostly just a regret now. ]
... well, it could have been worse. As far as an afterlife may go, this one is pleasant.
[ the fact that they can still live like they would normally... it's not something he expected. ]
I think you all would have managed. There were other people who could have sent you stuff. I'm just glad that you kept speaking to me after you received the oracle bells.
[ ....... he's still salty that he didn't get shit before that but it's fine ]
It doesn't matter if there were other people.... I know that there are others here who are reliable - but that doesn't mean that your contributions don't count. What you did still mattered.
[and she'll be stubborn on that. but at the mention of the oracle bells....]
Mm - have you gotten all the food? I sent you something from the cafe that Ookurikara and I liked. We tried to learn different recipes for things that you might enjoy too.
—oh! And the....!
[she doesn't know the word for it? she uses her hands to draw out the shape of a triangle - ]
We thought of you a lot - so don't start to say more things like your being here doesn't matter, or someone could have replaced you, or else I'll get mad.
[since she will not stop being rude to him ever, she'll feed him. so she goes into the kitchen and goes to find an apron because she has yet to rebuild her wardrobe here]
What do you want to eat? I can't make everything he could - but I learned a lot.
[that tsuru wandered around a little bit more. but lili is at least familiar enough with the kitchen now and doesn't need kara's guidance. she can't help but think that it's nice that tsuru will stay with her while she cooks -
it'd probably be a little lonelier to be in here by herself]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he ships it now, he's decided.
although... hm. ]
Why can't you face Lune though?
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but.
at the question she winces]
... you might get angry with me.
[like.
tsuru in particular might get angry at her.]
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[ it takes a lot to get him mad. ]
What happened?
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she just frowns]
... I know it was foolish now -
But when we were first brought here and told to vote for who we found at fault for what happened to you... I know it was Mary - and it made me angry, because she was corrupted. She would never have been corrupted if she wasn't brought here and with the information we had at the time...
I voted for Lune - because Sol had at least tasked me with pairing the partners the first week, and I already hit him.
[so lune was the only one she had to get back at]
I told Ookurikara to apologize on my behalf - but I'm going to say sorry too, once this is over. Once I've done something to make up for incorrectly placing the blame on someone, and putting them in danger because of some misguided sense of justice. I don't think I can face him until the end.
[ . . . . ]
Sorry, for doing that to someone you care about and who cares about you.
[it's probably a little dramatic considering the fact that lune wasn't even remotely in danger -
but she still can't quite get over it]
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funny, in a way. a joke that he isn't sure whether or not he wants to laugh at it. ]
Did you apologize to Sol for hitting him?
[ that is his immediate concern here, because tsuru adores sol. ]
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[she faced sol because she didn't have any choice but to see him. but in general...]
Maybe I should've voted for the universe or something.
[but regardless she shakes her head]
... I was informed it was the wrong decision by spending the next week watching nightmares of everyone I love dying in front of me, similar to the dream we had when we found out what happened to you.
I don't think it's atonement.... but if it makes you feel better, I couldn't sleep easily after that anyway.
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[ they've been reminded of it week after week, after all. ]
And I'm not sure what kind of person you think I am that I would feel better after hearing that... Nothing happened to Lune, so there's nothing to be angry about.
[ the implication is that he would probably be angry if something did happen but
nothing did. so it's fine. ]
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Even if we're friends.
[ . . . but lili has a habit of being ruled by her emotions]
You're probably a better person than I am.
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... but I don't think he minds. When you apologize to him, he's probably going to tell you that there's nothing to apologize for.
[ he sounds too fond when saying this. bad. ]
I'll be honest, hearing that you refused to vote for Mary was... interesting, even if I understand why. It was the first trial, and she's a child. It makes sense that people would refuse to do it.
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lili thinks that to herself before thinking on his words and she shakes her head. she did refuse to vote for mary, but her reason is just a little bit more nuanced]
... I knew that it would be pointless to make anyone else aware of my decision - and I knew that she had to be voted for. Plenty of other people made what was probably the correct decision. Ever since then, I've tried to vote for the corrupted, because it's the only way to save them.
But back then...
I thought that if Sol and Lune were charged as our guides - then they possessed more knowledge than us, and in turn more power.
... and I can't forgive people who have power, but choose to do nothing with it. I thought that people were dying, and they were allowing it. Like keeping us caged and letting us only wait to meet our demise, no matter how much they promised safety and good intentions. People like that are more to be blamed for terrible situations than those who suffer within them.
[it sure is a perspective that comes from a very particular place in nobility, but she also doesn't seem to back down about her stance - just how much information she had at the time]
I know I was wrong about that now - but at the time, I only intended to vote for unjust authority.
You didn't deserve to meet your end that way - and neither did she. It's what I hate about this place.
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I've been trying to think about what that meant.
[ he doesn't continue that thought though, instead moving on. ]
I'll be honest, Lili. My experience here has been very different from the rest of yours. I haven't faced the same struggles, or problems, or forged the same bonds and camaraderie... it's mostly felt like I've only been watching you all try to defeat the corruption. I don't think I'll even be able to feel the same kind of relief that you all do, once this is over and we manage to end it in our terms.
So when Monday comes, and more of you come to this side... I like to listen to what you all say. Of your disappointment and what you hope will happen. It gives me hope that the universe did choose the right people to do this, even though none of you should have ever been brought here in the first place.
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... we wouldn't be able to move forward without you, you know. We'd be just as lost without answers, and no idea how to solve anything. I know that it probably feels like you can't do anything here, when we're the ones who are constantly running around trying to do well and find the Corrupted but...
I don't want you to feel like you haven't mattered, when your sacrifice and being willing to still help others is part of the reason why we even have as much information as we do.
... but I still think that I would've preferred it if you weren't the first.
[even knowing him just a week - she would've wanted him on their side, not here, if she got to make the choice.]
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... well, it could have been worse. As far as an afterlife may go, this one is pleasant.
[ the fact that they can still live like they would normally... it's not something he expected. ]
I think you all would have managed. There were other people who could have sent you stuff. I'm just glad that you kept speaking to me after you received the oracle bells.
[ ....... he's still salty that he didn't get shit before that but it's fine ]
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[and she'll be stubborn on that. but at the mention of the oracle bells....]
Mm - have you gotten all the food? I sent you something from the cafe that Ookurikara and I liked. We tried to learn different recipes for things that you might enjoy too.
—oh! And the....!
[she doesn't know the word for it? she uses her hands to draw out the shape of a triangle - ]
With the sake! In the stupid shape you liked!
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[ wha ]
That was you?!
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I suppose you wouldn't have had any way to know.
[oops]
I thought it might be a way to pay respects - so Ookurikara and I tried to send you something you'd like.
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... I liked it a lot! I shared it.
[ it was probably just him and lune drinking it honestly but it's fine ]
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[she seems pleased enough]
Then... surprise.
We thought of you a lot - so don't start to say more things like your being here doesn't matter, or someone could have replaced you, or else I'll get mad.
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[ it's fine, he's had enough of serious conversation anyway. this is a little more honesty than he's used to giving. ]
I'll never say it again, so feed me.
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[since she will not stop being rude to him ever, she'll feed him. so she goes into the kitchen and goes to find an apron because she has yet to rebuild her wardrobe here]
What do you want to eat? I can't make everything he could - but I learned a lot.
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Omurice!
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[it won’t be super fancy but she can do that]
You help served the same family - but you never took up cooking?
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[ he climbs onto the counter to sit. ]
I served a lot more families than he did though. I didn't stay with the Date as long as him.
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[that tsuru wandered around a little bit more. but lili is at least familiar enough with the kitchen now and doesn't need kara's guidance. she can't help but think that it's nice that tsuru will stay with her while she cooks -
it'd probably be a little lonelier to be in here by herself]
Do you have a master you're very attached to too?
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[ he has to think about it, kicking his feet lightly in the air. ]
I think many of them had good points! And others were... better than others.
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