[ yeah, she does until she is actively treating you, and then her bedside manner is so gentle and sweet.
she sits down next to him. ]
All right. Thank you. If you left something untreated while I'm here, I'd.... [ well, she doesn't need to say, does she? ] Lingering illness? Is that why you seem... vacant? How are you feeling?
[ he likes everyone in this room, enough that he genuinely considers the question aloud instead of brushing it off. ]
...I keep thinking back to wherever that place was. It was like... a dark pit that we kept descending down into. Just a pool of bodies, malice, and rot, as though hatred could be a real, tangible thing, and ceaselessly flowing.
[ so, not a great time. ]
And the thing waiting for us at the bottom—I cannot seem to forget it. [ that's where his mind is, back in that hellhole. ]
[ he goes back to staring across the room at a spot on the wall, narrowing his eyes slightly. ] My true self, I suppose. The others saw something similar.
[ crau2 specifically coming after crau1 development as fast as possible. that said, while he flinches at first, he does look back. sincerely, ]
...I do not want to.
[ maybe he'll never be ready to forgive that part of himself for existing—but he is so tired of letting these places dictate the terms of their lives and deaths both. he's watched it twist so many people, forced into the worst corners of themselves. ]
But it will not leave my mind. That person was undoubtedly me. And so if I am still back there, in that pit, then the person here is... [ ...? .......???? ]
Still you. The person here is still you. The person who extends his hand to others is still you. The person who wants to make things better for others is still you. The person who can recognize what's cruel is still you.
[ she can't tell him he doesn't have a darker side. she can't tell him his anger isn't dangerous. it is. ]
You are more than malice and hatred, of anger and vice. You may not be able to leave all that behind, but you can do more good. If you thought that of me, it is true for you still.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
she sits down next to him. ]
All right. Thank you. If you left something untreated while I'm here, I'd.... [ well, she doesn't need to say, does she? ] Lingering illness? Is that why you seem... vacant? How are you feeling?
[ or what is he feeling? ]
no subject
My head is... heavy. But it has begun to ease somewhat since we returned.
[ he just looks wan, and a little disoriented—faraway unless she's speaking directly him. ]
I am finding it a bit difficult to focus on the present, I suppose.
no subject
If you cannot keep to the present, where is your mind wandering? The past?
no subject
...I keep thinking back to wherever that place was. It was like... a dark pit that we kept descending down into. Just a pool of bodies, malice, and rot, as though hatred could be a real, tangible thing, and ceaselessly flowing.
[ so, not a great time. ]
And the thing waiting for us at the bottom—I cannot seem to forget it. [ that's where his mind is, back in that hellhole. ]
no subject
that sounds horrendous, and shinobu's expression reflects she thinks it sounds terrible. ]
Is it something you don't wish to speak of?
[ what was at the bottom? ]
no subject
It was... me. I was there.
no subject
You, in what way?
no subject
...Some kind of monster. An aberration.
[ he goes back to staring across the room at a spot on the wall, narrowing his eyes slightly. ] My true self, I suppose. The others saw something similar.
no subject
she reaches up with her hands to gently guide him to look back at her, if he lets her. ]
Will you believe what this hateful place shows you more than the people who care for you?
no subject
...I do not want to.
[ maybe he'll never be ready to forgive that part of himself for existing—but he is so tired of letting these places dictate the terms of their lives and deaths both. he's watched it twist so many people, forced into the worst corners of themselves. ]
But it will not leave my mind. That person was undoubtedly me. And so if I am still back there, in that pit, then the person here is... [ ...? .......???? ]
no subject
[ she can't tell him he doesn't have a darker side. she can't tell him his anger isn't dangerous. it is. ]
You are more than malice and hatred, of anger and vice. You may not be able to leave all that behind, but you can do more good. If you thought that of me, it is true for you still.